There’s nothing sadder than an aging rock 'n roll star.

Buffalo Wings with housemade sauce, $5.50
Cal Neva Lodge Circle Bar, Incline Village


With frayed carpeting and empty dining rooms, the Cal Neva Resort soldiers on as a novelty item, milking every drop it can from the days when hipsters thought it was cool.

Now, the Nibbler feels at right at home at a place that’s worn at the elbows. And he certainly understands the need to hold your head high against the quiet sting being forgotten.

But if it’s a casino without a craps table, well, then he gets cranky. And if it’s a bar with shitty wings, well, then it’s time to go.

Deep fried skin without any hint of crisp is always a problem, as the mushy exterior extends into the meat. The Nibbler was reminded of a long-neglected bowl of Cap’n Crunch, while his partner that night, the Guzzler, mumbled something about a soggy diaper.

Under normal circumstances these wings’ gristle would have sparked an offensive comment loud enough for the room to hear. But it actually seemed irrelevant in the face of a mysterious sinewy texture from skin to bone. Elastic strings, long enough to wrap around the teeth but too thin to be detected by the naked eye, sent me into contemplative silence that was only broken by some more mumbling by the Guzzler, this time something about the Donner party.

Fully doused in Tabasco, and with grease neutralizing any attempt at real flavor, each wing sent a stream of orange blood down my forearm, pooling on the video poker display and requiring Rick the bartender to assist with an occasional wipe down.

Thank God for the 14 Plasma TV’s ringing the bar, not to mention Rick’s champion mullet, to distract me enough until we got the bill.

Martinis, Pressed Cloth Napkins, and Wings

Buffalo Wings with creamy blue cheese dressing , $7.25
Perry’s, Union Street

Ah… Union Street. Twinkling lights, gelled hair, and perky breasts in tight sweaters. When The Nibbler needs to feel sophisticated, he heads north for some window shopping, and never hesitates to stop into Perry’s some Buffalo wings served by a neck-tied waiter.

Buffalo’s own Anchor Bar would be proud. Nothing experimental here, and they do the classic recipe pretty well. A pleasant accoutrement to the dark wood, nostalgic photos, and efficient grown men behind the bar.

Perry’s advantage is spice control. Time and time again, The Nibbler is let down by standard-issue wings that are either childishly sweet (like cheap ketchup) or needlessly punishing in their heat (like an amateur Bloody Mary). Perry’s rich flavor delivers a kick that tingles but never burns.

That said, you navigate a bit too much gristle and fight a bit too much drip (nothing on the shirt, but grease slides down the hand to the wrist). And the sauce, while well balanced, is a bit expected. Fortunately it’s enough to please the crowd: from the well-heeled older couple by the window, to the neighborhood gadfly interrupting people at the bar, to the squeaky-voiced gossip teams in back.

Someone Forgot to Shave at Stinson Beach

Smoked Buffalo Wings with Ranch, $8
The Sand Dollar, Stinson Beach

The Sand Dollar is possibly the coziest watering hole in the Bay Area. After a day of sun and wind on the beach, you're gently nursed back to reality by the diverse camaraderie and scratch margaritas at the well-worn oak bar.

Too bad the new chef’s chicken wings are hairy. And a little rubbery. It’s a shame, because the smoker in the backyard gives these wings a truly unique flavor, and one that’s nicely complemented by a mild bbq glaze that’s got kick without trying too hard.

Apparently these wings are baked after they’re smoked. The two-step process is just enough to set the glaze without drying out the delicate meat, but doesn’t do much to crisp up the skin or melt the fatty strands inside.

If you’re like The Nibbler and are OK with floppy skin, you’re in for an interesting smoky treat. But the stray hairs, the springy touch, and the immediate need for dental floss all made Lola cry foul. “Cadaveresque”, she called them. Half of our group stopped after one wing.